So, I want a Shinedown tattoo

And I'm pretty sure I want song lyrics. But it's hard narrowing it down because I love every single fucking Shinedown song I've ever heard.  I absolutely cannot adequately express my love for this band. They make my Def Leppard years look like a school girl crush, and this is the love of my life. I swear, Shinedown touches my soul and fills my heart. I'm madly in love with Brent Smith. His voice is an orgasm for the ears.

So what lyric do I want? Let's toss some out there.

I'm on the front line
don't worry I'll be fine
the story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness
so long to the regret
and now I know that I'm alive

These lines from Diamond Eyes are way fucking awesome, and pretty much how I feel about life right now. With my separation and upcoming divorce, it's exactly how I feel.

I'm taking you on, I'm calling you out.
There's nothing left for us here now.
Let's be honest, I promise, I'm never lookin' back for my sake.
For my sake.

Also how I feel about my divorce, these lines from For My Sake really got me through some tough times in the beginning. I have mad, mad love for this song.

Your moment of truth
Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"

This line from Unity is probably what I'm going to get. Going back over a year, to my first obstacle course race, I've been all about trying to overcome my fears - fear of being a single mom, fear of being alone, fear of failure.

And my favorite song of all time is I'm Not Alright and I just want the entire song tattooed on my back.

All dressed up
In a white straitjacket
Shut your mouth
No, you can't have it

Paper airplanes
Open window
Here today
And gone tomorrow

[Chorus]
I like to stare at the sun
And think about what I've done
I lie awake in my great escape

I like crossing the line
And slowly losing my mind
Are you ok
'Cuz I feel fine
Maybe it's me
I'm just crazy
Maybe I like that I'm not alright

All messed up
And slightly twisted
Am I sick or am I gifted

Paper airplanes
Open window
Here today
And gone tomorrow

[Chorus]
I like to stare at the sun
And think about what I've done
I lie awake in my great escape

I like crossing the line
And slowly losing my mind
Are you ok
'Cuz I feel fine
Maybe it's me
I'm just crazy
Maybe I like that I'm not alright

Woh
I don't care if you apologize
I can't lie
Woh
I can't lie

I like to stare at the sun
And think about what I've done
I lie awake in my great escape

I like crossing the line
And slowly losing my mind
Are you ok
'Cuz I feel fine
Maybe it's me
I'm just crazy
Maybe I like that I'm not alright
Maybe I like that I'm not alright

But it's just not reasonable to get the whole thing.

I'm leaning toward the line from Unity, and I want it on my forearm, where I can see it every day and be reminded that I am strong enough and brave enough to do whatever the fuck I want.

Online Dating, Marathons and Other Bullshit

First, let's get the biggest disappointment out of the way. I'm not doing the Flying Pirate Half Marathon. I haven't had time to train, and I couldn't make the time by leaving my 8 year old son home alone. I'm disappointed that I'm not going to be running it, but I will be running a half marathon and a marathon at some point. I will never give up that dream.

Second, I'm officially registered for Turbo Kick training. I'm not doing it in Virginia though. I'm doing it in Raleigh, North Carolina the weekend after the Virginia training. It was closer and cheaper so I went for it. I'm so fucking excited. I bought some new shoes today - three pairs, actually - for doing Turbo.

Third, since my last big update post, I've stopped seeing the awesome mother fucker I met online. He is still an awesome mother fucker and I have no regrets about my experiences with him. I hope he finds someone worthy of his awesomeness. In the meantime, I've met a few more great men. Nothing has really come of any of these meets. I'm not interested in meeting anyone super local, for a number of reasons. I'm not finding any that are really my type, I don't want it affecting my job (because my job is all up my ass about shit, like saying FUCK on Facebook...fuck, fuck, fuck), and I don't plan on staying in this area. So I prefer to meet guys from the southeast Virginia area.

And then there's the guy from Massachusetts. I met him online Christmas Eve. I was bored and his profile caught my eye. I sent him a message, thinking nothing of it other than I wanted to say how awesome it was that he was into dystopian fiction, which I love. Long story short, we've been chatting online for two months and he is mother fucking awesome. More awesome than the awesome mother fucker I blogged about before. And it turns out that he lives near my workout buddy, who I was planning on going up to meet anyway.

So I did the crazy thing. I hopped on a train and went to Massachusetts. I rented a car and a hotel room. I met my workout buddy and she's so amazing and beautiful and wonderful. I truly, truly love her. She's a shitty fitness pal because when I asked if I could buy some Girl Scout cookies from her, she said yes. I went home with 5 boxes. A good weight loss friend would say, "No, bitch you cannot have any fucking cookies!" I split them with mom when I got back home. Except for the box of lemon things. I ate all of those on the train home.

But oh yes, my mother fucking awesome friend. We all know I'm crazy, right? The first person I actually met when I got to Massachusetts was his ex wife. No shit. He hooked us up on Facebook. She's awesome. I adore her. There's so much awesome in that part of Massachusetts. I need to move there. It's worth it just for the accents. It's so refreshing, so not southern. I loved listening to my friends talk, especially my workout buddy. She had the best accent. My mother fucking awesome friend doesn't really have one. I only noticed it once in a while.

You're probably waiting for me to kiss and tell. I had a wonderful time with my mother fucking awesome friend. We met at the mall, and behaved very inappropriately in the mattress department at Sears and in one of the kitchen stores. Who fucking knew there were so many sexual objects in a kitchen store??? Springform cock rings, corn cob dildos, and I'm sure there was something there for beating your meat.

I want to move up there. Not for my mother fucking awesome friend (who will be here in 6 days!!!) but because I think I would love it there. I can make friends up there. I have friends up there. And they are mother fucking awesome.