Bucket O' Updates

The last two months have been exhausting and stressful but I have seriously never been happier!!!

When I last posted, I was talking about meeting me ex's girlfriend. I said she wasn't what I expected and I didn't really have any issues. But a week later, THE FUCKING CUNT RAG BITCH HIT MY SON!!! He called me crying on the phone, and I laid into my ex, who completely sided with his girlfriend. I went fucking ape shit. I called Child Protective Services, who said they could not open a case because there wasn't enough to go on. Okay, fine. I called Sebastian's therapist and posted on my  board, completely at a loss as to what to do. Across the board, the answer was lawyer the fuck up. So pretty fucking quick, that is what I did. It cost me every fucking cent I had to retain her and file for custody. The next weekend, on the advice of my lawyer and Sebastian's therapist, I did not let Sebastian go with his dad. My ex flipped the fuck out, but mostly acted all big and bad, pretty much saying I was going to lose custody of Sebastian and end up with supervised visitation. When you're angry, you say stupid shit. He was mad, but he was mad at the wrong fucking person. Be pissed off at the asshole hitting your son, not the mother trying to protect him.

Long story short, my ex met with Sebastian's therapist and agreed to not let his girlfriend hit Sebastian anymore. And the girlfriend has a criminal record a mile fucking long - assaults, probation violations, FELONY FUCKING DRUG CONVICTION. I'm just dying to post her fucking name and specifics here, but I won't. You can be damn sure though, if she ever lays a fucking hand on my kid again, I will hurt her. I will break every mother fucking finger on her hands, one by one.

Oh, and my lawyer was a waste of money because she didn't do shit, and the shit she did do, she fucked up. She's useless and she doesn't answer any of my questions. I would like to post her name, too, but I won't. I sure as shit won't be recommending her to anyone. Sam and I had mediation and have worked everything out and all is well. He has a real job now, and has visitation every weekend.

HAPPY DANCE!!! My weekends are for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Sebastian can stay with me when he wants to but right now, he wants to be with his dad. Sam has been taking him hunting. Sebastian has gotten two deer so far - a 5-point buck and a doe! I'm so proud of him.

Aside from wasting money on a lawyer, I'm also wasting money on a new vehicle. Well, a used vehicle, but new to me. My Tracer was acting up and the mechanic who "fixed" it didn't do fuck shit. He must be related to my lawyer. So I traded it in for a Kia Rondo. The monthly payments are affordable and my insurance didn't go up too much, but the god damn sales tax hit me hard. So for the last two months, I have had no freaking money. I'll get caught up on my bills next week - once a month paychecks suck - unless something else disastrous happens.

Oh, but there is good news. I am now employed full time with fucking benefits, bitches!!! I will still need a summer job and maybe a part time second job but for right now, I'm not going to stress it too much. Yes, my weekends are free for me to work but....

I fucking met a really awesome mother fucker!!! I have no shame in admitting that curiosity got the best of me and I put up a profile on an online dating site. I had a bunch of guys message me, only a few were interesting enough to message back, and very few were interested in anything other than sex. I'd pretty much decided by the end of the second month that this was a waste of time.

Then I got THE message. It was about The X Files and ER, two things I mentioned in my profile. So this guy was paying attention and took the time to actually quote Mulder & Scully, then show actual knowledge of ER. I was impressed. Not so much with his profile, which had not a whole fucking lot on it. I had to reply to the guy, but wasn't quite sure what to say. I did comment on what he said about ER, but I also like to show that I've actually read a dude's profile by saying something about what they have on theirs. So I grasped at whatever I could relate to. We ended up chatting for a while, and he mentioned something else in my profile, and that led to him asking if I wanted to get a drink with him the following weekend. I said sure - thinking it probably wouldn't happen because I never followed through with any other "hey, we should meet" messages.

But then he called me the following evening and we talked on the phone a bit and he asked again. I said yes, thinking it might actually happen and what the fuck had I gotten myself into???? We spent the week texting and I found myself really, really looking forward to meeting him. We talked on the phone a few more times because he is not big on texting and there were a few times he wanted to clarify something he texted. So he is considerate. And the more we communicated, the more I couldn't wait!!! We were going to meet on a Sunday (because I had a thing on Friday and he had a thing on Saturday) to play pool and meet, but then Hurricane Sandy was coming. He asked me if I wanted to go get a drink after my thing. Without really thinking about it, I said okay. HOLY FUCK! I was actually going to meet some dude off the internet!! Then I couldn't figure out where to meet for a drink. I'm not a bar person, he's not a bar person. So crazy fucking me, broke the Number 1 Rule of Online Dating for Women and I invited him over to my apartment. We actually met in public (at my thing) but immediately drove to my place.

I lived to tell about it. We had a couple beers, started talking. He talked a lot. I was content to listen. He's so smart and so damn funny. And beautiful. OMG, I can never take my eyes off of him when we're together. He stayed that night until about four in the morning. We spent all that time just talking. Okay, we made out a bit lot, too. He is fucking awesome. The next day, he went and did his thing. We texted, talked on the phone. Then Sunday, we spent 3 hours talking on the phone and he convinced me that he should come over. I didn't really want him to drive in the tropical storm force winds, but he is a pretty persuasive mother fucker. So he drove the hour in the wind and rain to spend time with me. And we talked and talked and talked. He continued to make me laugh and damn, he is smart! His smart is different from mine. He can think theoretically and in the abstract. He is foul-mouthed and perverted and the perfect height. He is warm and smooth to touch and OMG.

The following weekend, he had his kids, but they wanted to spend the night at his parents' house. So he came to see me again. And then this weekend, he was back. We had a minor issue with irrational woman syndrome but he is a good listener and pretty fucking observant. He didn't run for the hills when I freaked out, so I think things are still okay. I need learn to live in the now, and I need to actually go out and do stuff with him. That all scares me, and living in the now is hard. I'm a planner. And I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to invest the time and energy and emotions into something that isn't going to work out. Neither of us is ready for any kind of commitment and we're both very guarded, but I am pretty damn sure we like each other a hell of a lot. I probably won't see him for another two weeks, but that's okay. We have lives. I'm settling into mine, and to be honest, the thought of any changes scares the shit out of me. I don't want to get into my routine and then have something change. I do want more than just sex with this guy, but I'm afraid I'll end up wanting too much too soon, because I am very impulsive and I jump into everything feet first and fairly blind. I'm afraid to hope for anything. That's going to be my downfall.