Monday Metal Mania

I am not a camper. I am not a fan of nature (except when it's storming). I don't like the heat. I don't like the sun. I don't like bugs. I'm not even that fond of grilled food and spending "quality time" with the family. But Sebastian got a wild hair up his ass and wanted to go camping. I don't even remember how it came about, because the seed was planted months ago. We had grand plans to play games like soccer and volleyball and badminton. We intended to grill food, make s'mores, and sleep in the tent.

The area we camped in was not what I expected. I expected grass, not sand, rocks, and this:

Sam said it was poison ivy, but my super-web-sleuthing skills say it's not pointy enough to be poison ivy. Now, this is the guy who took conservation courses in high school and claims to know his plants and stuff. He kept yelling at me to stop walking through it, and Sebastian was freaked out a bit every time we stepped in something green. All for nothing! 

I did, however, get a nasty spider bite on my toe. I think it was a spider. I will spare you a picture of my Fred Flintstone foot. I felt a sting, ignored it, then saw a pretty good size drop of blood on my toe. Since then, it has itched and swollen just a little. 

So back to the trip. We stayed at one of Sam's boss's properties, which is currently under construction. A house is being built, but it's out of the way and right on the Alligator River. Fortunately, we did noy see any alligators. Or bears. Sebastian was concerned about bears. 

As soon as we got there, I expressed my disappointment over not being able to play soccer or any other games that required running around. Between the lack of grass, the concrete, sand, construction paraphernalia ,  and the "poison ivy" everywhere, it was clear that this camping trip would be more about relaxing. So that is what I did. I pulled out my chair with the drink holder, sat my ass down, and read 206 Bones by Kathy Reichs. It was okay, but my Temperance Brennan is a bit more uptight than the book version.

So, while I sat, Sam and Sebastian went out in the kayak.

Then I went kayaking. Well, Sam paddled while I sat in the boat. It was nice. I was amazed at how much cooler it was on the water as opposed to the land. I did not want to get off the river.

But we had to. Sam was tired from unloading the truck and paddling so we took a break. While taking said break, I started hearing thunder in the distance. I asked Sam, repeatedly, if he was 100% sure we would not get rained on. He assured me that the rain (and lightning) was on the other side of the (very big) river and moving away from us (sideways). So I watched the clouds and lightning for a while and decided that we needed to get the hell out of there.

Thankfully, the main structure for the house is built, so we hauled ass to the house. We did sit under the balcony for a while, but the wind kicked up and swirled sand and bounced my chair and before long, it looked like a scene from Twister, with shit just flying everywhere.

"I've got to call you back. We've got cows."

We didn't have cows, probably because there were none in the area, but we had a natural sand blaster going on. I won't upload the video but it was windy. And it rained. Not pouring rain but hard enough that we moved the party to the side of the house opposite the river. We put up Sebastian's two-person tent, which ultimately went unused because a queen-sized air mattress does not fit in there. He played in there while Sam grilled, and I continued to sit on my ample buttocks, gloating inside. Nope, it was not going to rain on us!!

If you can believe it, I stuck to my diet while we were camping. I brought chicken tenderloins to grill, along with raw vegetables. While the guys ate hot dogs, I continued to be a good girl. Even when we had s'mores, I made a healthier version, with some Lindt 85% cocoa dark chocolate. 

Sebastian's version was a bit different. He choked on a marshmallow last year. 

Even his dinner choice was interesting

 Why yes, that is a hot dog on a taco shell!

Once it got dark, Sebastian entertained us. He made shadow puppets,









and sang us a scary song about a ghost.

It was scary, yo. So scary, I had a hard time falling asleep. I kept hearing voices (though we were pretty isolated) and it freaked me out. Plus, air mattresses are just not that comfortable. I was very relieved when the sun came up. After a quick breakfast of eggs and chicken tenderloin (the guys had eggs and bacon), I finished my book and the boys went fishing. 

While they were gone, I actually did physical work and packed everything up and put it in the truck. By the time we got home, I was experiencing some mild discomfort of the skin on my arms and legs.

I don't know what bit me - I'm assuming mosquitoes, even though I never saw any. We didn't bother with our Thermacell because we didn't see any bugs. I won't make that mistake again. I developed even more bumps overnight and am currently an itchy, bumpy mess. Oral Benadryl put me to sleep, so I scratched subconsciously all night. I've been applying cortizone cream and a Benadryl spray, and it's not helping all that much.

So, in honor of my weekend, here is Faster Pussycat's "Poison Ivy"



even though it wasn't poison ivy.